# When Even His Shadow Disappears

*By William S. Becker*

I prayed with all the strength I knew,  

Yet nothing changed, no light came through.  

I gave my heart, I gave my all,  

And still I watched my fortunes fall.

I searched for Him through endless night,  

But every wrong appeared as right.  

The wicked laughed, their tables filled,  

While those who served Him suffered still.

I watched the honest bend and break,  

While liars prospered in their wake.  

And every time I tried once more,  

Another hardship reached my door.

I cried, "Where is the One above?  

Where is the mercy, where's the love?"  

But silence answered every plea,  

Till even faith abandoned me.

I blamed the world, I blamed my fate,  

And let my heart grow cold with hate.  

No longer could I understand,  

Or recognize His guiding hand.

Yet He had never gone away,  

Though I could find no words to pray.  

His light remained beyond my sight,  

Concealed behind the darkest night.

And when my strength was finally gone,  

The friends became the ground I'm on.  

For what my heart could not restore,  

Their love could help me seek once more.

Not for reward, nor worldly gain,  

Not for an ending to my pain.  

But just to bring Him joy above,  

Through friends united into love.

So let the darkness hide His face,  

I'll seek Him in our meeting place.  

And though His shadow disappears,  

Our common prayer will rise through tears.

When His Face Is Hidden

When every road I walk turns wrong,  

And every night seems twice as long,  

When debts come knocking at my door,  

And life demands a little more.

When friends turn cold and hopes decay,  

And everything I build gives way,  

When all my efforts end in pain,  

And every loss becomes my gain.

I search for goodness in the night,  

But cannot find it in my sight,  

I know that You control it all,  

Yet still I stumble, still I fall.

I will not blame some twist of fate,  

Or curse the burdens of my state,  

For even when Your Face I lack,  

I know I'm looking at Your back.

But through my friends I make my plea,  

Correct the heart that lives in me,  

Not for the pain to disappear,  

But that Your goodness may appear.

And if tomorrow brings the same,  

I'll hold the greatness of Your Name,  

Until our hearts unite as one,  

And what was hidden meets the sun.

The Face That Never Turned Away

Inspired by Rav Laitman's lesson • Original poem

I walked through darkness, burdened with pain, 

I cursed the losses, the sorrow, the rain. 

I searched for a reason, someone to blame, 

And thought that the Creator had turned from my name.

I cried in the silence, I begged for a sign, 

Why does this suffering have to be mine? 

But buried beneath what my heart couldn't see, 

The One who was hidden was guiding me.

His face never turned, His love never died, 

It was I who had turned to the opposite side. 

For the Light never changes, the truth stays the same, 

It's the vessel within me that carries the blame.

The pleasure can blind me, the suffering too, 

Both can conceal what is righteous and true. 

For what good is pleasure if love disappears, 

And what good is sorrow if lost in my tears?

The friends are my shelter when darkness draws near, 

They strengthen my purpose and conquer my fear. 

The love that I planted when daylight was bright, 

Returns through the friends in the dead of the night.

Don't give me a fortune, don't promise me gold, 

Give me the strength when my heart becomes cold. 

To rise above pleasure, above all the pain, 

And give to the One who has nothing to gain.

Let every correction awaken my heart, 

Let love of the friends become where I start. 

For faith isn't blindness or words that I say, 

It's feeling the One who was there all the way.

So bring me the darkness, or bring me the sun, 

My work is to cleave to the Only One. 

Not for the pleasure, not fearing the pain, 

But to bring Him contentment, again and again.

And when all the shadows have fallen away, 

I'll see that His face never turned for a day. 

The Creator was giving, His goodness was true, 

The turning was mine, and the correction was too.

The Cry from Below

An original poem

We never chose the road we found,

 You lit the spark beneath the ground.

A restless heart, a silent call, 

You placed the longing in us all.

We thought the hunger was our own, 

We searched for truth, we walked alone. 

Until You brought us face to face, 

With friends who showed a higher place.

You gave the spark, You showed the way, 

But now there's something we must say. 

We didn't come to take or gain, 

Or beg You, Lord, to end our pain.

We came to build what wasn't there, 

One common heart, one burning prayer. 

To crush the pride that keeps us apart, 

And raise our friends above our heart.

No selfish bargain, no reward, 

No empty words to please the Lord. 

We want to give, not take from You, 

To make our love both real and true.

And when our hearts as one unite, 

Our common cry will reach the Light. 

Not for ourselves, not to receive, 

But for Your joy, in which we believe.

You woke us first, that much is true, 

But now our cry returns to You. 

From every friend, one voice will grow, 

This is the awakening from below.

 

The Vessel Between Us

The Light is shining—we need not chase,

We build between us the meeting place.

Not in my wisdom, not in my pride,

But where I make room for you inside.

The Creator waits where hearts unite,

Where broken desires turn toward the Light.

I cannot hold Him inside of me—

Between us is where He wants to be.

So crush the distance, bury the “I,”

Raise up the friends and don't ask why.

The Light does its work from up above—

Our work below is building love.

Ten separate hearts cannot reveal,

Until what divides us begins to heal.

Then from the darkness the truth breaks through:

The vessel is me making room for you.

SHECHINA IN EXILE (The Dust)

 

SHECHINA IN EXILE

(The Dust)

The Light never changed,

It never withdrew,

The Dweller still waits

For the vessel made new.

The heart was created

A dwelling to be,

A place for His glory,

A place He could see.

But look what we filled it with—

Garbage and lust,

Leaving the Shechina

Alone in the dust.

We traded the holy

For pleasures that rust,

Then wondered why heaven

Was hidden from us.

Shechina in exile,

Shechina brought low,

Waiting inside us

For somewhere to go.

So clean out the heart,

Raise love above lust,

Give Him a dwelling—

Raise Her from the dust.

Not for what I can take,

Not for what I receive,

But to give Him contentment

In all that I breathe.

Let the vessel be ready,

Let bestowal begin,

Till the Shochen and Shechina

Are dwelling within.

No more exile.

No more disgust.

Raise the Shechina—

Raise Her from the dust.

 

NONE ELSE BESIDES HIM

When the left hand throws me to the ground,

The right is already pulling me around.

When every door looks sealed and tight,

He hides Himself to build my sight.

The fall is His, the rise is too,

There ain't another pulling you.

No other hand, no other claim,

Behind the dark—He stays the same.

He lets me taste how weak I am,

Until I quit believing I can.

Until the heart is forced to cry,

“Creator, without You—I die.”

The distance builds the true demand,

The broken heart reaches for His hand.

Every descent strips away my pride,

Till there's nowhere left for “me” to hide.

And when He lifts me from the floor,

And suddenly I taste Him more,

I cannot say, “Look what I've done.”

He drew me close—there's only One.

So when I'm low, I won't complain,

Or make myself the cause of pain.

The Shechina aches when we're apart;

Her exile is what breaks my heart.

And when I'm raised and joy appears,

When light replaces all my fears,

My joy is not that I am free—

It's that the whole draws closer through me.

The will to receive will always remain,

But now we turn its course again:

Not what can I take, not what can I own,

But how can I bring contentment to His throne?

So throw me down or pull me near,

Give me darkness, give me clear—

Through every state, through thick and thin,

There is none else besides Him.