THE MAN WHO HAD TO DISAPPEAR

Inspired by RABASH — The Work of the Ten

I came with a heart that was battered and torn,

Dragging an ego I'd carried since born.

I thought I was righteous, I thought I could see,

Till nine other souls showed the monster in me.

I spoke about love with a mouth full of pride,

While judging the friends who were standing beside.

I prayed for the Creator to answer my call,

While building my ego a ten-foot-high wall.

I wanted the Light, but refused to bend low,

I wanted His love, but had none left to show.

I searched through the books for a heavenly sign,

While stepping on hearts that were standing by mine.

Then came the descent, and it stripped me down bare,

No strength in my body, no answer to prayer.

I screamed at the heavens, "What more can I give?"

He showed me nine brothers I hadn't let live.

One came with his anger, another with fear,

One carried a sorrow too heavy to hear.

I wanted to fix them, to tell them my way,

But love simply asked me to listen that day.

So I swallowed my pride till it burned like a coal,

And made room for their pain in the depths of my soul.

Their tears became mine, and their hunger my own,

And suddenly none of us stood there alone.

I learned that annulment was not being weak,

But holding my tongue when my ego would speak.

That faith above reason meant choosing to stay,

When everything in me was screaming, "Walk away!"

I learned that the guarantee wasn't a word,

But lifting the friend whose prayer went unheard.

And joy wasn't smiling while hiding the pain,

But thanking the Creator for bringing the rain.

I stopped asking heaven to fill up my plate,

And prayed for my brothers outside of the gate.

"Give them the strength that I cannot provide,

And bury the hatred I'm holding inside."

No longer ten strangers, each guarding his throne,

But ten broken hearts with a longing for One.

And there in the cracks where our selfishness died,

The Light found a vessel with room deep inside.

I came to the Ten thinking I would be seen,

But learned what the words "love of others" could mean.

The man who demanded that heaven appear,

Had to lose his own crown to discover Him here.

So let my name vanish, my arguments cease,

Let my brothers find strength where I once sought my peace.

For I didn't disappear when I gave them my heart,

I became part of the One I was seeking from the start.

THE BRIDE WHO DANCED IN THE DIRT

I woke this morning, dead inside,

With nowhere left for me to hide.

I searched my heart, but nothing stirred,

Not one damn prayer, not one damn word.

I sat among the friends and smiled,

While deep inside I screamed and cried.

They spoke of love, of faith, of light,

While I was drowning in the night.

I paid my bills with borrowed grace,

And wore defeat upon my face.

I begged for something I could feel,

Some proof that all of this was real.

I cursed the darkness, cursed the pain,

Then watched my ego rise again.

It wanted comfort, wanted more,

While faith lay bleeding on the floor.

And there I stood, the broken bride,

With nothing beautiful inside.

No shining dress, no wedding song,

Just one more night that lasted long.

But Rabash said, "Now dance, my friend,

Your falling isn't where you end."

Not when the heavens open wide,

But when there's nowhere left to hide.

So I began with trembling feet,

And dragged my heart across the street.

No joy to feel, no light to see,

Just one small choice: It's not for me.

I couldn't pray, I couldn't stand,

I had no strength to raise my hand.

"Creator, hear this broken cry,

I cannot pray, however hard I try."

"Don't take the darkness all away,

Just give me strength to choose Your way.

Don't make my bitter heart feel sweet,

Just let me lay it at their feet."

And then I saw what love could be,

Not what the world could give to me.

But how to lift another's soul,

While I myself was far from whole.

The bride still dances through the night,

With broken shoes and no delight.

But every fall becomes a plea,

"Please build a heart that lives for Thee."

And when the groom prepares His feast,

The hungry ego must decrease.

For every blessing that I take,

Let it be joy for His sake.

I don't need crowns, I don't need fame,

I don't need heaven to know my name.

Just let my friends stand tall and free,

And let their joy be enough for me.

So let me fall, and let me rise,

Until the truth replaces lies.

For even buried in the sod,

A broken heart can dance toward God.

 

THE DARKNESS KNOWS MY NAME

Yesterday I swore my heart was clean,

Today I'm the ugliest thing I've seen.

I kissed the heavens, I praised His name,

Then woke up drowning in selfish shame.

I loved my brothers, I called them mine,

Today their voices crawl down my spine.

I said I'd carry them through the night,

Now I can't even stand their light.

I sat in the lesson, my heart was stone,

A thousand friends, yet I felt alone.

Their words were beautiful, filled with grace,

But all I could see was my own damned face.

I begged the Creator, "Where have You gone?

I've given You years, why drag me on?

I've broken my pride, I've swallowed my tears,

Why am I still this selfish after all these years?"

And somewhere beneath that terrible cry,

A truth broke through what I thought was I.

The darkness wasn't proof I'd lost my way,

It showed me what I'd hidden yesterday.

He hadn't abandoned me in the night,

He'd shown me the darkness beneath my light.

Not so I'd suffer, not so I'd fall,

But so I'd discover I owned nothing at all.

I cannot love with this heart of stone,

I cannot reach You on strength alone.

I cannot bestow by pretending I'm free,

While every damn thought keeps returning to me.

So strip me of pride, let my excuses die,

But don't let me leave when my brothers cry.

Let me become the ground beneath their feet,

And find You in the hearts where our longings meet.

And if tomorrow I fall once more,

With bleeding hands I'll reach for the door.

Not because darkness is where I belong,

But because together we rise from what's wrong.

I thought advancement would feel like flight,

Like endless love and heavenly light.

But sometimes the greatest step I take,

Is seeing the selfish heart I must break.

So let the darkness reveal my shame,

I'll bring it to You and call Your name.

For every descent that teaches me to give,

Becomes another reason for love to live.

 

THE OLD FOOL IN THE MIRROR

I woke this morning, cursed the day,

The bills were due, no way to pay.

I begged the Creator to make things right,

Then blamed the whole damn world by night.

The coffee's cold, the car won't start,

Another disappointment tears my heart.

I preach of love, of faith, of grace,

Then curse the man who takes my place.

My brother speaks, I turn away,

Too proud to hear what he might say.

I speak of unity, pure and true,

But only when they do what I want them to.

I sit with friends and bow my head,

While judging every word they've said.

I claim my heart is theirs to hold,

Yet keep my love locked up like gold.

I pray for strength to rise above,

Then demand my payment for giving love.

I tell the Creator, "I'll give You all,"

But only if You won't let me fall.

You old damn fool, look in that glass!

How many years have you let pass?

Your beard turned gray, your body grew old,

But that selfish king still owns your soul.

And when I rise, I proudly say,

"I've conquered myself! I've found the way!"

But one harsh word, one broken plan,

And I'm that same old selfish man.

Yet every fall reveals the lie,

Every dark night teaches me why.

I cannot purchase love or light,

Nor beat my ego in this fight.

So strip me bare of what I claim,

My pride, my wisdom, even my name.

Let every failure teach me to see,

That nothing good begins with me.

And when my friend falls to the floor,

Let me be first to open the door.

Not ask what he can do for me,

But lift him up until he's free.

For Abraham's days were not just years,

But countless beginnings washed in tears.

A thousand nights, a thousand falls,

A thousand times he heard the calls.

So when tomorrow brings its pain,

I'll rise and start the work again.

Not as a king demanding his throne,

But as a child with nothing his own.

And if my nights outnumber my days,

I'll turn each darkness into praise.

For even the fool who has fallen apart,

Can beg the Creator for a giving heart.

THE ENEMY WE CALL OURSELVES

 THE ENEMY WE CALL OURSELVES

A man can spend his whole damn life,  

Chasing peace through pain and strife.  

He builds his kingdom, brick by brick,  

Then wonders why his heart feels sick.

He buys his children everything,  

The finest clothes, a diamond ring.  

But when they cry, he turns away,  

Too damn busy to hear what they say.

He tells his wife, "I love you, dear,"  

But only when she bends to fear.  

And when she asks to simply be,  

He screams, "Why can't you think like me?"

He calls his brother, "My dear friend,"  

Then tears him down to win again.  

He speaks of love and unity,  

But God forbid they disagree.

He sits before the morning light,  

And begs the Creator to make things right.  

Yet while his lips are forming prayer,  

His heart is screaming, "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"I've given years! I've done my part!  

So why the hell this broken heart?  

Where is the joy? Where is my pay?  

Why won't You take this pain away?"

And there it stands, the naked truth,  

The beast that's ruled us since our youth.  

Not some dark devil from below,  

But our own desire that won't let go.

Give it a hundred—it demands two,  

Give it the world—it still wants you.  

It drinks from rivers, drains them dry,  

Then curses heaven, asking why.

**But listen, friend, beneath that cry,  

There's something holy that cannot die.  

A tiny longing, buried deep,  

A spark the selfish heart can't keep.**

It wants to love without a price,  

To give itself in sacrifice.  

To see another rise above,  

And find its happiness in love.

But when a friend begins to shine,  

The serpent whispers, "What about mine?"  

And when another takes the lead,  

Our pride comes crawling out to feed.

We call it justice, call it right,  

Then feed our hatred through the night.  

We blame the world, we blame the fall,  

But never see who's built the wall.

And here's the truth that breaks the bone:  

**No man can conquer this alone.**  

You cannot beat your selfish will,  

With selfish strength that serves it still.

So take this heart, this heart of stone,  

This heart that wants the world to own.  

And let it finally learn to see,  

That love begins when it's not "ME."

Not by destroying what we are,  

Or throwing every wish afar.  

But turning all that hunger's flame,  

To serve the others in Your name.

Let envy teach me how to bless,  

Let pride bow down to tenderness.  

Let every wound become a door,  

Through which I learn to give much more.

And when my brother rises high,  

Let joy replace my jealous cry.  

And when my own desires burn,  

Teach me to love without return.

Then even that old serpent's voice,  

Will find in giving its rejoice.  

The enemy that ruled my days,  

Will join my heart in songs of praise.

For heaven isn't something bought,  

Nor conquered by the strength we've got.  

It's when the Creator lifts us free,  

From serving only "ME, ME, ME."

And all the nations deep inside,  

The lust, the hunger, fear, and pride,  

Will praise the One who made them see,  

That love, not greed, has set them free.

**So break me, Lord—not out of spite,  

But break the chains that block Your light.  

And from the pieces, let there rise,  

One heart that loves through others' eyes.**

For when the will to take gives way,  

And mercy rules the heart one day,  

The greatest miracle we'll see,  

Is when my brother matters more than me.

Justice,Mercy humility

I stood before the world demanding what was right,  

While feeding my own ego in the darkness of the night.  

I screamed for perfect justice, with judgment in my hand,  

But never saw the selfish beast on which my feet would stand.  

I spoke of love and mercy while begging to be seen,  

I polished every good deed till my reputation gleamed.  

I gave with one hand open, but the other held the bill,  

And called it holy service while demanding payment still.  

**DO JUSTICE!** Let the truth tear through my pride,  

Expose the filthy selfishness I've learned so well to hide.  

**LOVE MERCY!** Even when my heart is torn,  

Embrace the very brother whose rejection I have worn.  

**WALK HUMBLY!** Let nobody know my name,  

Let every act of giving burn away my need for fame.  

If all I do is sweep the floors within the King's great hall,  

Then let me sweep with joy and never ask for more at all.  

What good is all my wisdom if my brother stands alone?  

What good are all my prayers if I demand a golden throne?  

What good is speaking of the Light while keeping love outside?  

What good is serving Heaven with a heart consumed by pride?  

So break this will to take, until there's nothing left to claim,  

No medals for my suffering, no glory for my name.  

Just let me lift my brothers till their hearts begin to shine,  

And find my greatest pleasure when their joy becomes mine.  

For justice without mercy leaves a heart as cold as stone,  

And mercy seeking honor serves the ego's empty throne.  

But justice clothed in kindness, with humility above,  

Becomes the hidden pathway to the Creator's endless love.  

And when the world forgets me, let my heart remain content,  

For every breath of giving was the reason I was sent.  

No crown, no throne, no payment, no applause for what I've done,  

Just ten hearts joined in bestowal, beating perfectly as one.

 

THE THIEF INSIDE MY HEART

By William S. Becker

I fed a man who had no bread,

Then praised myself for keeping him fed.

I gave my coat to a man in the rain,

Then waited for heaven to notice my pain.

I prayed for a friend whose world fell apart,

While secretly judging the state of his heart.

I spoke of love, of truth, of grace,

Then cursed my brother behind his face.

I sat with the friends and lowered my head,

But wanted them hearing the words that I said.

I cried to the Creator, "I'm giving my all!"

Then cursed His silence when no answers would fall.

Oh, what a bastard this ego can be,

Stealing the love that was never for me!

Dressing in kindness, pretending to give,

Demanding a payment for each day I live.

I built me a kingdom, a throne and a name,

Then called it bestowal to cover my shame.

Two masters were living inside of my chest,

One seeking the Creator, one seeking the best.

But love isn't measured by what I receive,

Nor the tears that I cry, nor the words I believe.

It's giving the friend what my ego would keep,

It's holding his burden when the mountain is steep.

So tear down my kingdom, let self-love depart,

Expose every thief hiding deep in my heart.

Let all of my waters flow into One,

Until there is nothing for self to be won.

And when I can give without claiming a thing,

When another man's joy makes my broken heart sing,

Then perhaps in the place where our selfishness ends,

We'll discover the Creator alive in the friends.