Psalms In The Heart

  “Not in the Ten” I sat alone and told myself I’m fine, Held thoughts a little longer, felt divine. I watched the mind behave, the heart grow still, And called it spirit—by my own free will. But Rav’s voice cut through my clever lie, “That’s not the soul—just flesh dressed up to fly.” No matter how refined the feeling seems, Alone it’s body, not the higher means. I measured silence, counted breaths and hours, Admired the ego polishing its powers. I felt improved, more focused, calm and clean, But none of it was born between . For spirit doesn’t live where “I” reside, It breathes where self-concern has truly died. Not in my thoughts, not in my private gain, But where my heart submits to shared pain. The Ten is not a comfort, club, or tool, It’s where the ego’s forced to look the fool. Where I can’t hide behind my inner peace, Where self-made holiness is brought to cease. Alone, I choose what effort I’ll allow, With friends, the truth confronts me now . Their faces crack my fo...

 I knocked on every gate I knew by name Each one swore light would end the shame I studied, prayed, I bent my will Still found my cup was empty still I trusted verses, plans, and signs I counted steps, I drew the lines I followed every rule they gave Still stood alone beside the grave I tried belief, it wouldn’t stay It packed its bags and walked away I tried despair, it lied to me Said, “At least now you clearly see” But clarity just burned my hands No truth to stand on, no commands No forward step, no past retreat Just hollow ground beneath my feet I begged for help — the words felt fake My prayer itself began to shake No warmth, no tears, no holy sound Just silence pressing all around I wanted proof You heard my cry The heavens stayed completely dry So there I stood with nothing left Not strong, not broken — only cleft And in that crack, where nothing fits Where even hope admits it quits I stayed — not brave, not pure, not sure Just stayed… and somehow that was prayer No ...