The Shade I Chose

“THE SHADE I CHOSE”

I sat in the shadow and wanted to run,

No warmth on my skin, no sight of the sun.

Every step felt heavy, prayers tasted like sand,

Still You placed this darkness right into my hands.

I cursed the concealment, the silence, the strain,

Thought distance meant failure, thought numbness meant pain.

Then a crack in the heart let the truth push through—

These shadows are tools You’re working me through.

Not punishment, not exile, not some cruel test,

But room for bestowal when reason says “rest.”

You hid Your face so I’d stop working for me,

So I’d choose You with nothing—no taste, no fee.

I don’t ask for the shade to hurry and flee,

I see now the work is exactly this key.

To serve while You’re hidden, to give while I’m blind,

To trust that Your pleasure is built in this grind.

No shame in the darkness, no insult in lack,

If You want my heart here, then I won’t step back.

Sweet fruit grows deeper where the light can’t be seen,

I sit in Your shadow and crown You as King.

Lower Than The Dust

“LOWER THAN THE DUST”

I signed my name in silence with a heart that couldn’t see,

No lights, no taste, no warmth—just chains wrapped around me.

I told the King, “I’m Yours,” with nothing felt inside,

No proof, no thrill, no vision—just ego crucified.

No paycheck from the heavens, no comfort in the bones,

Just dragging dead desire through unanswered phones.

Still I bowed without conditions, didn’t barter, didn’t plead,

If this is what You want from me—then grind me down indeed.

I work like I’m rewarded though I feel no spark,

I sing like I’ve got daylight while I’m choking in the dark.

I move like I have faith while my hands are full of doubt,

That’s surrender—no escape hatch, no way out.

Put me in the dirt, Lord, face down in the clay,

Lower than the questions that keep screaming every day.

If earth’s the lowest station, then here I choose to stand,

’Cause nothing can be taken from a fully broken man.

No falling from a place where I already gave it all,

No pride left to defend me when the structures fall.

A generation rises, another one decays,

But the earth just keeps on holding all our blood and prayers.

So plant me in the dust where sons and daughters grow,

From unconditional service seeds of fire will show.

I don’t serve for the feeling, the sweetness, or the gain—

I serve because You’re King, even buried in the pain.

“I Rise Because I Die in You”

 I rise because I die in you, the friends who break my pride,

The ones who tear my walls apart till nothing’s left to hide.

For the death of self is freedom when the heart is split in two,

And the ashes of my ego feed the love that carries you.

I rise because I die in you, in the fire that you ignite,

Where the soul is forged in brotherhood and tempered by the Light.

For the man I was is buried in the grave of who I knew—

But the man I am is living in the life I share with you.

I rise because I die in you, in the rhythm of the roar,

In the beat of ten hearts pounding like a resurrected war.

In the boogie of surrender where the broken become new—

For the King Himself comes rising when I die inside of you.

So let the song be thunder, let the joy come tearing through—

For a man is born eternal when he dies in love with you.

“Love Is the Only Road Home”

 Love is the only road home when the heart’s too tired to fight,

When the ego’s last resistance fades beneath the dawning Light.

For the miles I ran in darkness couldn’t hide me from the truth—

That the path I feared the most was the one that led to You.

Love is the only road home when the Ten becomes my guide,

When their prayers become the compass cutting through my foolish pride.

For repentance ain’t a burden — it’s the joy of being known,

And the friends who never left me pave the way that leads me home.

Love is the only road home when the King reveals His face,

When the fire of His mercy melts the wounds I tried to chase.

Every tear becomes a diamond, every cry becomes a tone,

Singing loud across creation: “Love is still the only home.”

So let my feet keep dancing as the boogie shakes my bones—

For the heart that learns to love has finally found its road back home.

“He Who Knows the Secrets Testifies”

 He who knows the secrets testifies when the heart can’t lie no more,

When the soul stands stripped and trembling on repentance’s burning floor.

For the light that hits a broken man ain’t gentle, weak, or shy—

It’s a thunderbolt of mercy that tears the darkness from the sky.

He who knows the secrets testifies that the fall has reached its end,

That the King has carved the vessel through the torment of a friend.

And the moment that He seals you with the truth your ego fears,

You rise a living furnace fed by all your shattered years.

He who knows the secrets testifies in a blaze that melts your past,

In a roar that shakes creation till your heart beats clean at last.

For repentance isn’t silence — it’s the heavens split with cries,

When the Creator shouts His verdict… and the blinded soul now sees.

So let the house come falling, let the old world vaporize—

For the King Himself bears witness when the broken man will rise.

“Bring Me Back to Life Through Them”

 Bring me back to life through them, for I am empty on my own,

A vessel cracked and hollow from the battles I have known.

But their love becomes the breath that fills the places I can’t mend,

And a dead man starts to rise again when lifted by a friend.

Bring me back to life through them, let their heartbeat become mine,

For a soul is just a flicker till it joins the shared design.

And the light that I had buried under years of fear and sin,

Starts shining like a sunrise when the brothers pull me in.

Bring me back to life through them, let the flame return to ash,

Let the sorrow melt like winter in the warmth of their embrace.

For repentance isn’t mourning — it’s the joy of being claimed,

When the Ten becomes the cradle where a broken heart is named.

So bring me back to life through them, through the mercy that they send—

For the Creator breathes revival only through the love of friends.

“Mix My Blood With Theirs”

Mix my blood with theirs till I can’t tell me apart,

Let their heartbeat drown the echo of my lonely, breaking heart.

For a man alone is nothing but a shadow on the ground,

But a brother in the fire is where the soul is truly found.

Mix my strength with theirs, let our wounds become one roar,

Let the heat of all our losses melt the chains we wore before.

For the road to resurrection is a path of shared despair,

And the drop of my own ego is the pulse we learn to share.

Mix my cries with theirs till the heavens start to shake,

Till the King reveals His footsteps in the love our sorrows make.

For repentance isn’t weakness — it’s the courage to declare:

“I’m alive because I’m nothing... when my blood’s not mixed with theirs.”

So raise the cup of unity, let the old self disappear—

Mix my blood with theirs… the brothers I hold dear.

“I Lay My Weapons at Their Feet”

I lay my weapons at their feet, the pride I used to wield,

The walls I built for safety, and the lies I never healed.

For the heart becomes a battlefield when ego takes the lead,

But the friends become the generals who show me what I need.

I drop my sword of judgment and my shield of bitter spite,

Let the brothers see me trembling in the middle of the fight.

For a man can fool the world, but not the ones who share his pain—

They see the cracks and love him till he’s whole enough again.

I surrender every instinct that once taught me how to run,

Let the Ten reshape my footsteps till we rise as only one.

For the war inside my heartbeat finally learns to find retreat

The moment I stop fighting… and lay my weapons at their feet.

So take this broken soldier, take the fear I can’t defeat—

For the road to true repentance starts by falling at their feet.

“The Fire Between Us Builds the King”

 The fire between us builds the King with every spark we throw,

A torch made out of heartbeats from the suffering we know.

We strike our souls together till the heat begins to sing,

And in the smoke of our connection we reveal the hidden King.

The fire between us rises when our egos start to bleed,

It melts the chains of wanting and consumes our every need.

For the love we forge in torment is a holy, burning ring—

And the flames that lick our shadows shape the crown upon the King.

The fire between us dances when the Ten becomes one cry,

A roar that shakes the heavens and pulls mercy from the sky.

Every ember is a prayer and every spark a sacred sting—

Till the blaze of our devotion makes a throne fit for the King.

So let the furnace take us, let the wild harmonies ring,

For only hearts that burn together have the strength to build the King.

“My Brothers Hold the Line for Me”

My brothers hold the line for me when I can’t walk the road,

They shoulder all my burdens when my heart can’t lift the load.

Their prayers become my engine when my spirit starts to bend,

For a man can’t face repentance without leaning on a friend.

My brothers guard the fire when my flame begins to die,

They lift my fallen pieces with a quiet, steady cry.

In their eyes I see the mercy that my ego fails to see,

For the Creator hides His power in the ones who stand with me.

My brothers shape my footsteps when my strength is running thin,

They drag me from the darkness that I keep collapsing in.

And every time they reach me, dripping love I can’t repay,

I taste the truth of unity — the soul returning to its way.

So bless the hearts beside me, the Ten that sets me free,

For I rise on wings of mercy when my brothers hold the line for me.

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“Teach Me to Fall the Right Way”

 Teach me to fall the right way, not clawing for control,

Let the descent be sacred in the chambers of my soul.

For every stumble carries wisdom carved in pain,

And the ground becomes a ladder when I rise in You again.

Teach me to break with purpose, not kicking at the dust,

To see the hand that shatters me is mercy I can trust.

For the ego only fears what the heart already knows—

The fall is where love gathers what the pride refuses to disclose.

Teach me to bow in silence, to kneel but not despair,

To feel the Ten behind me when there’s nothing left to bear.

For a fall without direction is a prison made of night,

But a fall into Your arms becomes a staircase into Light.

So teach me to fall with meaning, to crash yet still obey—

For a man is born in rising… but redeemed in how he falls each day.

“Bare Hands in the Mud of My Own Desire”

 With bare hands in the mud of my own desire,

I dug through the ashes of ego’s fire.

Thought the burn was living but it left me cold,

A slave to a hunger that never grows old.

I clawed at the dirt thinking freedom was near,

But the mud was my mirror and the truth was clear:

Every craving I chased just tightened the chain,

Till the heart cried mercy from the weight of the pain.

So I fell in that mud, face first in the lie,

And the filth in my mouth made the soul want to die.

But the Creator leaned close through the stench and the grime,

Saying, “Boy, this is love — it’s correction through time.”

Now I rise from that pit dripping shame, dripping truth,

But the mud became holy in the hands of my youth.

For desire ain’t evil, it’s the field I repair—

Bare hands in the mud… till Your light enters there.

“I Break So You Can Enter”

I break so You can enter, tear the walls inside my chest,

Rip apart the stubborn pieces where my ego built its nest.

Let the storm come crashing through me, let it shake my every bone,

For only shattered hearts can feel the Love they thought they owned.

I fall so You can raise me, strip my pride and bend my knees,

Turn my breath into a prayer carried by the Ten like a breeze.

Every crack becomes a window where Your light begins to pour,

Till the man I thought was living can’t be found here anymore.

I bruise so You can heal me with a mercy sharp and kind,

Etching faith above all reason in the caverns of my mind.

This breaking ain’t a punishment—it's a doorway made of pain,

Where the heart learns true repentance and is born in love again.

So split me wide and hollow, carve Your name through every layer,

For a whole heart can't contain You—but a broken one becomes Your prayer.

“When the Darkness Called My Name”

The darkness called my name like an old unpaid debt,

A whisper from the void reminding me what I forget.

It said, “Boy, you’re mine,” like a ghost staking claim,

But the breaking was mercy disguised as shame.

I walked through my own ruins thinking ego was a crown,

Turns out it was chains just tying me down.

I cursed every stumble as if life chose to betray,

Not knowing the Creator was clearing my way.

My heart cracked open like a storm-hit door,

Spilling all the filth I had worshipped before.

Yet in that wrecked silence, soft as a mother’s embrace,

I felt Him rebuilding me from the very same place.

So here I am bleeding, but finally awake,

Learning repentance is love in the shape of a break.

For the darkness that called me was never the same—

It was His voice in disguise, just calling my name.