“Bare Hands in the Mud of My Own Desire”

 With bare hands in the mud of my own desire,

I dug through the ashes of ego’s fire.

Thought the burn was living but it left me cold,

A slave to a hunger that never grows old.

I clawed at the dirt thinking freedom was near,

But the mud was my mirror and the truth was clear:

Every craving I chased just tightened the chain,

Till the heart cried mercy from the weight of the pain.

So I fell in that mud, face first in the lie,

And the filth in my mouth made the soul want to die.

But the Creator leaned close through the stench and the grime,

Saying, “Boy, this is love — it’s correction through time.”

Now I rise from that pit dripping shame, dripping truth,

But the mud became holy in the hands of my youth.

For desire ain’t evil, it’s the field I repair—

Bare hands in the mud… till Your light enters there.

“I Break So You Can Enter”

I break so You can enter, tear the walls inside my chest,

Rip apart the stubborn pieces where my ego built its nest.

Let the storm come crashing through me, let it shake my every bone,

For only shattered hearts can feel the Love they thought they owned.

I fall so You can raise me, strip my pride and bend my knees,

Turn my breath into a prayer carried by the Ten like a breeze.

Every crack becomes a window where Your light begins to pour,

Till the man I thought was living can’t be found here anymore.

I bruise so You can heal me with a mercy sharp and kind,

Etching faith above all reason in the caverns of my mind.

This breaking ain’t a punishment—it's a doorway made of pain,

Where the heart learns true repentance and is born in love again.

So split me wide and hollow, carve Your name through every layer,

For a whole heart can't contain You—but a broken one becomes Your prayer.

“When the Darkness Called My Name”

The darkness called my name like an old unpaid debt,

A whisper from the void reminding me what I forget.

It said, “Boy, you’re mine,” like a ghost staking claim,

But the breaking was mercy disguised as shame.

I walked through my own ruins thinking ego was a crown,

Turns out it was chains just tying me down.

I cursed every stumble as if life chose to betray,

Not knowing the Creator was clearing my way.

My heart cracked open like a storm-hit door,

Spilling all the filth I had worshipped before.

Yet in that wrecked silence, soft as a mother’s embrace,

I felt Him rebuilding me from the very same place.

So here I am bleeding, but finally awake,

Learning repentance is love in the shape of a break.

For the darkness that called me was never the same—

It was His voice in disguise, just calling my name.

🔥 PART II — REPENTANCE FROM LOVE

When love hits the heart, it don’t sneak in soft,

It cracks you wide open and lifts you aloft.

It turns every scar into fuel for the climb,

Every past failure into gold over time.

This ain’t fear’s repentance—the trembling kind,

This is fire-lit mercy rewriting the mind.

Where sins don’t fade—nah, they switch their role,

Mistakes become engines that chisel the soul.

Creator whispers, “Child, I was there in your fall.

Every stumble, each curse—I scripted them all.

Not to punish the body but to widen the vein,

Till My Light can pour in through the cracks of your pain.”

Then the heart stops hiding behind its shield,

Stops crawling backwards through broken fields.

It stands up naked, trembling but true—

Saying, “Everything You sent was to bring me to You.”

And the sins? They don’t vanish, they flip their face,

They become the steps that lifted your pace.

The guilt that once crushed you now carries your weight,

Each transgression transformed into love at the gate.

You look back at your darkness with tear-burning sight,

Not ashamed anymore, but grateful for night.

Because without the fall you’d never have known

How sweet the Creator feels when He calls you home.

It’s brutal, it’s tender, it’s mercy’s blade—

Carving a throne from the mess you made.

And the soul finally whispers, “I see Your hand,”

As the Ten surrounds you and helps you stand.

Repentance from love—this is heaven’s turn,

Where every past fire becomes fuel for the burn.

Not of torment—no, the burn of embrace,

Where the King pulls you in and reveals His face.

Heaven is my Witness

Part 1 Heaven is my Witness

I swore a thousand times I’d never fall back down,

Said it with busted knuckles, blood on the ground.

But words are cheap when the night comes fast,

And the same damn thoughts keep haunting the past.

I told myself, “I’m done, I’ve changed inside,”

But temptation laughs when the heart still hides.

Because knowing ain’t knowing, it’s just a guess,

Till truth walks in and undresses the mess.

Who’s gonna testify, who’s gonna swear?

A witness from heaven with ink and a chair?

Nah—this ain’t court, this ain’t religion’s play,

It’s when the Light shows up and blows doubt away.

When the face gets revealed, no shadows remain,

No loopholes for ego, no room for the game.

You don’t behave ‘cause you fear getting caught,

You stop ‘cause you’ve seen what the lie has cost.

That’s the testimony, carved deep in the chest,

Not spoken in words, but burned in the flesh.

The rescue itself seals the deal inside,

No strength required, no oath, no pride.

Before that moment, we bluff and pretend,

Promise tomorrow we’ll be a better man.

But the will to receive keeps grabbing the wheel,

And faith without sight starts slipping for real.

So fear steps in like a barking dog,

Snaps at the soul, lifts you out of the fog.

You don’t touch fire ‘cause you know it’ll burn,

That’s repentance born where the stomach churns.

You back away shaking, sweating, unsure,

Not ‘cause you love—but ‘cause pain feels sure.

And the Creator says, “Good, at least you stopped,”

Your crimes get softened, your sentence drops.

What were sins turn into honest mistakes,

Blind moves made while asleep at the gates.

You weren’t denying—just couldn’t see,

Lost in concealment stacked deep on deep.

Sometimes you believed, sometimes you cracked,

Like seeing a friend from behind, off-track.

You thought you knew Him, then doubted His face,

Misread the signs in the pressure and pain.

So fear does its job—it pulls you back home,

Puts brakes on the beast that thinks it’s alone.

But love ain’t here yet, just survival mode,

Still walking by rules, not carried by code.

Yet even that fear is mercy in disguise,

A hand on the shoulder before deeper lies.

Because when the face finally breaks through the wall,

You won’t return—not today, not at all.

Not because you’re strong or suddenly clean,

But because Truth was felt, tasted, and seen.

And when the Light saves, it signs its own name—

That’s the testimony that ends the game.

3 H's = Annulment, Inclusion, Inspiration

Three H’s 

Three H’s hit hard like a boot to the chest,

They drag you through fire till you’re stripped of the rest.

Surrender your pride, boy, this ain’t some small test,

The Creator wants all—not the part you think’s best.

First comes letting go—man, it tears you apart,

It rips through the ego like a blade through the heart.

You fall to your knees thinking, “Where do I start?”

But the breaking is mercy disguised as His art.

Break me, remake me, I’m done with the fight,

Fuse me with brothers and pull me to Light.

Three H’s are wounds but they lead me aright,

’Cause we only rise up when we die to the night.

Second comes mixing, you’re swallowed in pain,

You bleed with the Ten like you share the same vein.

Your losses are theirs, your heartbreak their chain,

Till love starts to bloom in the cracks of your brain.

Third comes awakening, lightning and flame,

He burns you alive just to carve out His name.

Your will ain't your own—you ain’t playing no game,

But damn, through the fire, your soul ain’t the same.

Break me, remake me, I’m done with the fight,

Fuse me with brothers and pull me to Light.

Three H’s are wounds but they lead me aright,

’Cause we only rise up when we die to the night.

So sharpen the blade, Lord—go on, cut me thin,

I’ll lose all I am just to let You walk in.

With the Ten at my side I am destined to win,

’Cause the man who breaks open is the one born again.

To My Boys - Jacob and Noah

“To My Boys — Jacob and Noah”

I was given years, somewhere seventy to a hundred to see,

what really matters, what stays, what’s left of me.

I’m standing still strong, breath steady, bones intact,

so hear these words now—there’s no going back.

Jacob, my son, though blood may debate,

you were mine long before the world learned to hate.

I was the man who held you, the voice that you knew,

the only damn father who showed up for you.

If anger was born from a moment I missed,

or pain I was never told to resist,

know this truth clear, without excuse or disguise—

I never turned away, I never closed my eyes.

Noah, my boy, you stayed close through it all,

through the rises of joy and the long hard falls.

I watched you become what a man should be,

a father, a pillar, a legacy.

Three little souls call you Dad with pride,

and every time they do, my heart opens wide.

You don’t just live life—you live it right,

and you’ve been my proof on the darkest night.

I’ve loved you both when I was broken and beat,

when I limped through surgeries, pain in the street.

When betrayal cut deep and nearly took my breath,

when a woman I loved showed me the face of death.

I’ve loved you in silence, in distance, in prayer,

in nights so damn lonely the walls learned to stare.

Every evening your names rise straight from my chest,

not asking for thanks—just asking you’re blessed.

Jacob, if lies were whispered and fed,

if a mother’s anger rewrote what was said,

hear this now, from a man who won’t bend—

I never stopped loving you, not once, not then.

I wasn’t perfect, I failed, I was wrong,

but love like mine doesn’t weaken with time.

It ages like steel, like scars on the soul,

like a father who never let go of his role.

If my road ends soon or stretches out long,

this truth will outlive every right and wrong:

You are my sons, both equally mine,

written in prayer, not erased by time.

I don’t need forgiveness to speak what is true,

I don’t need permission to still love you.

I stand here a father—unbroken, sincere—

my heart wide open, my arms still here.

And if one day you wonder, when I’m not around,

where my love for you lived, where it could be found—

look up at the night, feel the quiet above,

that’s where I placed every ounce of my love.