“Something New Was Born”

I woke up heavy, same old fight,

Same damn thoughts that swear they’re right.

I did the work, I played the role,

But nothing moved inside the soul.

I prayed the words, I showed my face,

But joy wouldn’t enter this stubborn place.

I blamed the road, I blamed the men,

I blamed the world, not once the “I” within.

Then it hit me hard — like Shamati warned,

Joy ain’t a gift, it’s a sign you’re reborn.

Not smart, not strong, not feeling wise,

But faith that walks with blinded eyes.

No joy means still the same old me,

Polishing chains, calling it “free.”

But one small crack — a hairline bend,

Where self let go for the sake of the Ten.

No fireworks, no holy glow,

Just choosing bestowal when reason said “no.”

And there it was — quiet, clear,

A newborn point the ego fears.

Joy crept in — not loud, not proud,

But real as tears that aren’t allowed.

Not from knowing, not from control,

But something new carved in the soul.

So if I’m dry, I don’t pretend,

I don’t accuse the road or friends.

I ask one thing, again, again:

“Creator — renew me for the Ten.”

the Heart That Lies

 

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 “The Heart That Lies”

Don’t trust the heart that sweetly cries,

It dresses up the truth in lies.

It swears it feels what must be right,

But sells you darkness dressed as light.

The ego whispers, calm and wise,

“I know the way—just close your eyes.”

It points to feelings, warm and deep,

Then robs the work while you still sleep.

A burning chest, a trembling tear,

Is not a sign the truth is near.

The liar lives in holy tone,

Convincing you you’re not alone.

The heart was built to want, not see,

It bends the law to serve the “me.”

Without a screen, without a guide,

It takes the reins and calls it pride.

The friends are where the truth is weighed,

Not in the storms the ego made.

Above the heart, above its cry,

Faith walks where feelings fear to try.

I don’t erase the heart’s desire,

I bind it to a higher fire.

Not what I feel decides my way,

But what we build from day to day.

So let the lying heart complain,

Let ego scream and pull the chain.

I ride with faith, not inner noise,

The Ten decide—not fleeting joys.

I Trust The System

 

Title: “I Trust the System”

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I don’t feel love, I feel the grind

A thousand doubts assault the mind

Yet something deeper holds the reins

A silent truth that still remains

Not hope, not mood, not lifted heart

But knowing where the laws all start

Baal HaSulam drew the design

Cause and effect, precise, aligned

The Light reforms, the vessel lacks

The Ten reveals the inner cracks

I don’t invent, I don’t pretend

I trust the road the sages penned

Rabash said walk where you don’t feel

Where every urge says this ain’t real

But stay because the system’s true

Not because it feels good to you

This isn’t faith that floats on air

It’s weight that keeps me standing there

A frequency beneath the thought

That whispers truth when nothing’s taught

I don’t feel bestowal in my chest

I feel resistance put to test

But deeper still, below the pain

I know this work is not in vain

So prayer is born not from despair

But trust the Light is always there

The lack is real, the law is fixed

Correction comes — not chance, but mix

Heart screams run, mind says fake

But faith says stay — don’t disengage

Not blind belief, but inner sight

That knows the system works by Light

We Are Not Here To Comfort You

 We Are Not Here to Comfort You

We are not here to warm your heart,

Or play the role of some soft start.

We are not mirrors for your pain,

Nor proof your inner work’s “insane.”

We will not shine when you arrive,

Or stroke the spark that wants to thrive.

We won’t reward your tears or fire,

Or bow to depth, or gift, or wire.

We are the place your heart resists,

Where nothing moves and nothing lifts.

Where all are equal, stripped and plain,

And staying costs more than the gain.

Here no one’s special, wide, or deep,

Here only promises we keep.

Not with emotion, not with sound,

But with our feet stuck to the ground.

If you remain when warmth is gone,

When every reason says move on,

Then without knowing how or when,

Your heart belongs — not you — but Ten.

And when the Light at last appears,

It won’t feel earned, or owed, or clear.

It will arrive because we stayed,

While self was silent… and love was made.

The Heart That Won't Open (For the Sake of Connection)

 The Heart That Won’t Open (For the Sake of Connection)

The heart won’t open when warmth is near,

It opens where there’s nothing to feel but fear.

Not fear of pain, or loss, or shame,

But losing the right to remain the same.

It beats just fine for a song or a scene,

For heroes redeemed and what might have been.

Tears flow easy when stories resolve,

When good beats bad and the plot evolves.

But place that heart among equal men,

No spotlight, no crown, no “better than,”

And suddenly silence fills the chest,

No fire, no tears, no sweetness left.

Because here no one claps, no ending is shown,

No one is special, no one alone.

Here love is demanded without reward,

Here warmth is built, not felt or adored.

The heart resists not hatred or strife,

But surrendering authorship over its life.

It trembles where no emotion appears,

Where choice replaces joy, and faith replaces tears.

So it locks itself tight, not out of spite,

But to guard the self from dissolving outright.

For love of friends costs more than belief—

It costs the self, stripped bare of relief.

And yet, right there, in the hollow and dry,

Where no one feels and no reasons apply,

A space is carved, unseen, unheard,

Prepared for a Light that’s never inferred.

Not warmth that arrives to comfort the soul,

But truth that appears when the many are whole.

And when that heart breaks — not open, but through —

Connection is born, quiet, real, and true.

Working In Joy

 WORKING IN JOY

I don’t work for pay

I don’t work for praise

I don’t work for light

Or better days

I work ‘cause truth

Still needs a hand

I work ‘cause love

Needs boots on land

The ego talks

Still plays its game

But now it works

Inside the frame

The road ain’t gone

The load ain’t light

But joy shows up

And walks it right

Not ‘cause I see

Not ‘cause I know

But ‘cause the work

Still gets me home

The Gate Was Never Locked

 The Gate Was Never Locked

the thoughts are not the crime

its not blocking them in time

the desires are not at fault

its not locking them in a vault

the crime is saying this is me

confusing noise with identity

the crime is crowning every scream

and calling ego truth supreme

the mind throws stones the heart takes blows

the ego grins it always knows

how to accuse how to pretend

then sell the wound as who I am

a thought appears unasked unclean

a flash of dark a brutal scene

that alone is not the fall

the fall is trusting it at all

desire burns it wants the crown

it wants me flat it wants me down

but wanting is not where I break

I break when I agree and take

the block is not the inner storm

the block is naming it the norm

the lock is not the urge that cries

the lock is buying all its lies

the ego says this proves your state

you’re late you’re weak you sealed your fate

the soul says stand don’t run don’t fight

just aim the heart above the sight

I do not wrestle thought or lust

I do not call them sin or dust

I watch I breathe I don’t obey

I lift the aim another way

the work begins where I can see

this noise was never truly me

and in that gap the heart can cry

not fix me lord but lift me high

the ten becomes my living ground

where strength is asked not self-found

the thoughts still roar desires burn

but now they teach and now they turn

the ego guards the gate in fear

yet every knock brings help more near

for every fall that I endure

reveals where faith becomes secure