The Shade I Chose

“THE SHADE I CHOSE”

I sat in the shadow and wanted to run,

No warmth on my skin, no sight of the sun.

Every step felt heavy, prayers tasted like sand,

Still You placed this darkness right into my hands.

I cursed the concealment, the silence, the strain,

Thought distance meant failure, thought numbness meant pain.

Then a crack in the heart let the truth push through—

These shadows are tools You’re working me through.

Not punishment, not exile, not some cruel test,

But room for bestowal when reason says “rest.”

You hid Your face so I’d stop working for me,

So I’d choose You with nothing—no taste, no fee.

I don’t ask for the shade to hurry and flee,

I see now the work is exactly this key.

To serve while You’re hidden, to give while I’m blind,

To trust that Your pleasure is built in this grind.

No shame in the darkness, no insult in lack,

If You want my heart here, then I won’t step back.

Sweet fruit grows deeper where the light can’t be seen,

I sit in Your shadow and crown You as King.

Lower Than The Dust

“LOWER THAN THE DUST”

I signed my name in silence with a heart that couldn’t see,

No lights, no taste, no warmth—just chains wrapped around me.

I told the King, “I’m Yours,” with nothing felt inside,

No proof, no thrill, no vision—just ego crucified.

No paycheck from the heavens, no comfort in the bones,

Just dragging dead desire through unanswered phones.

Still I bowed without conditions, didn’t barter, didn’t plead,

If this is what You want from me—then grind me down indeed.

I work like I’m rewarded though I feel no spark,

I sing like I’ve got daylight while I’m choking in the dark.

I move like I have faith while my hands are full of doubt,

That’s surrender—no escape hatch, no way out.

Put me in the dirt, Lord, face down in the clay,

Lower than the questions that keep screaming every day.

If earth’s the lowest station, then here I choose to stand,

’Cause nothing can be taken from a fully broken man.

No falling from a place where I already gave it all,

No pride left to defend me when the structures fall.

A generation rises, another one decays,

But the earth just keeps on holding all our blood and prayers.

So plant me in the dust where sons and daughters grow,

From unconditional service seeds of fire will show.

I don’t serve for the feeling, the sweetness, or the gain—

I serve because You’re King, even buried in the pain.

“I Rise Because I Die in You”

 I rise because I die in you, the friends who break my pride,

The ones who tear my walls apart till nothing’s left to hide.

For the death of self is freedom when the heart is split in two,

And the ashes of my ego feed the love that carries you.

I rise because I die in you, in the fire that you ignite,

Where the soul is forged in brotherhood and tempered by the Light.

For the man I was is buried in the grave of who I knew—

But the man I am is living in the life I share with you.

I rise because I die in you, in the rhythm of the roar,

In the beat of ten hearts pounding like a resurrected war.

In the boogie of surrender where the broken become new—

For the King Himself comes rising when I die inside of you.

So let the song be thunder, let the joy come tearing through—

For a man is born eternal when he dies in love with you.

“Love Is the Only Road Home”

 Love is the only road home when the heart’s too tired to fight,

When the ego’s last resistance fades beneath the dawning Light.

For the miles I ran in darkness couldn’t hide me from the truth—

That the path I feared the most was the one that led to You.

Love is the only road home when the Ten becomes my guide,

When their prayers become the compass cutting through my foolish pride.

For repentance ain’t a burden — it’s the joy of being known,

And the friends who never left me pave the way that leads me home.

Love is the only road home when the King reveals His face,

When the fire of His mercy melts the wounds I tried to chase.

Every tear becomes a diamond, every cry becomes a tone,

Singing loud across creation: “Love is still the only home.”

So let my feet keep dancing as the boogie shakes my bones—

For the heart that learns to love has finally found its road back home.

“He Who Knows the Secrets Testifies”

 He who knows the secrets testifies when the heart can’t lie no more,

When the soul stands stripped and trembling on repentance’s burning floor.

For the light that hits a broken man ain’t gentle, weak, or shy—

It’s a thunderbolt of mercy that tears the darkness from the sky.

He who knows the secrets testifies that the fall has reached its end,

That the King has carved the vessel through the torment of a friend.

And the moment that He seals you with the truth your ego fears,

You rise a living furnace fed by all your shattered years.

He who knows the secrets testifies in a blaze that melts your past,

In a roar that shakes creation till your heart beats clean at last.

For repentance isn’t silence — it’s the heavens split with cries,

When the Creator shouts His verdict… and the blinded soul now sees.

So let the house come falling, let the old world vaporize—

For the King Himself bears witness when the broken man will rise.

“Bring Me Back to Life Through Them”

 Bring me back to life through them, for I am empty on my own,

A vessel cracked and hollow from the battles I have known.

But their love becomes the breath that fills the places I can’t mend,

And a dead man starts to rise again when lifted by a friend.

Bring me back to life through them, let their heartbeat become mine,

For a soul is just a flicker till it joins the shared design.

And the light that I had buried under years of fear and sin,

Starts shining like a sunrise when the brothers pull me in.

Bring me back to life through them, let the flame return to ash,

Let the sorrow melt like winter in the warmth of their embrace.

For repentance isn’t mourning — it’s the joy of being claimed,

When the Ten becomes the cradle where a broken heart is named.

So bring me back to life through them, through the mercy that they send—

For the Creator breathes revival only through the love of friends.

“Mix My Blood With Theirs”

Mix my blood with theirs till I can’t tell me apart,

Let their heartbeat drown the echo of my lonely, breaking heart.

For a man alone is nothing but a shadow on the ground,

But a brother in the fire is where the soul is truly found.

Mix my strength with theirs, let our wounds become one roar,

Let the heat of all our losses melt the chains we wore before.

For the road to resurrection is a path of shared despair,

And the drop of my own ego is the pulse we learn to share.

Mix my cries with theirs till the heavens start to shake,

Till the King reveals His footsteps in the love our sorrows make.

For repentance isn’t weakness — it’s the courage to declare:

“I’m alive because I’m nothing... when my blood’s not mixed with theirs.”

So raise the cup of unity, let the old self disappear—

Mix my blood with theirs… the brothers I hold dear.