No Where to Run (Cup Full of Lack)

 I knocked on every gate I knew by name

Each one swore light would end the shame

I studied, prayed, I bent my will

Still found my cup was empty still

I trusted verses, plans, and signs

I counted steps, I drew the lines

I followed every rule they gave

Still stood alone beside the grave

I tried belief, it wouldn’t stay

It packed its bags and walked away

I tried despair, it lied to me

Said, “At least now you clearly see”

But clarity just burned my hands

No truth to stand on, no commands

No forward step, no past retreat

Just hollow ground beneath my feet

I begged for help — the words felt fake

My prayer itself began to shake

No warmth, no tears, no holy sound

Just silence pressing all around

I wanted proof You heard my cry

The heavens stayed completely dry

So there I stood with nothing left

Not strong, not broken — only cleft

And in that crack, where nothing fits

Where even hope admits it quits

I stayed — not brave, not pure, not sure

Just stayed… and somehow that was prayer

No faith to claim, no lie to dress

No strength except my helplessness

If You are good — then let it be

Not felt, not seen — just done through me

I bring You not a shining cup

Just all the ways I’ve given up

If this is loss — then take it too

If this is death — then birth me new