The Guard At The Gate

 The Guard At The Gate

I cursed the wall I could not climb

Said ego stole my prayer and time

I swung at shadows, fought the dark

Blamed every bruise on missed the mark

I said the gate was slammed shut tight

That heaven hid itself from sight

I screamed “You block me!” loud and wild

Like a betrayed and starving child

The ego laughed but never lied

It said “I guard what burns inside

If I step back before you’re ready

You’ll shatter fast — not slow and steady”

I wanted love without the grind

Connection cheap, no change of mind

But love don’t grow where comfort stays

It’s born in fire, delay, and gray

So ego pressed me to the wall

Not out of hate — but lest I fall

It held the weight I couldn’t bear

Until I learned to ask — not tear

Each failure drilled me into prayer

Each fall exposed another layer

Each block was mercy dressed as pain

Each no was yes in deeper grain

I saw at last with broken pride

The ego stood right by my side

A brutal guard with gentle aim

Breaking the vessel — not the flame

So now I bow where I once fought

Thank every wound the ego brought

For every shove that broke my lie

Made room for truth to finally cry