If Not Me Then Who

If Not Me, Then Who

In the beginning of the work

I wake before the light,

Hands already clenched in habit,

Bracing for another fight.

If I am not for me, then who?

No voice replaces mine,

No one carries my resistance,

No one crosses this line.

The day collects its payment first,

Bills, bodies, time, and pride,

I promise I’ll be better today—

By noon, that promise died.

I speak of faith with a bitter tongue,

Say “trust” but check the lock,

I pray for light while guarding

Every corner of my stock.

I want the end without the road,

The crown without the fall,

I want to love without surrender,

To give without losing at all.

The ego does not go quietly,

It fights like it’s the truth,

It calls surrender weakness

And humility abuse.

It counts my hours, tracks my gain,

Keeps score of every slight,

It says, “Protect yourself first,”

Then calls that wisdom, not fear, not fright.

This stage is dry and unforgiving,

No poetry, no glow,

Just teeth clenched through responsibility

With nowhere else to go.

---

Somewhere between the grind and grief,

Between collapse and breath,

I notice effort does not save me—

But it moves me toward depth.

My thoughts aren’t innocent anymore,

They carry weight and aim,

Each one bends my direction slightly,

Feeds a different flame.

Effort isn’t changing heaven,

It’s tuning where I stand,

Like leaning into the wind just right

So the sail might catch command.

The action doesn’t build the road,

That path was always there,

But effort adds velocity

To how I travel it—aware.

Each choice adds acceleration,

Each refusal slows the pace,

I learn that neutrality is fantasy,

Stillness only masks escape.

I fall, I rise, I misalign,

I curse and then I pray,

But now the work feels less like punishment

And more like how I stay.

I start to sense a partnership,

Not spoken, not declared,

Where effort meets a hidden Hand

That was always there.

---

And then the ending comes disguised

As something very small:

The need to own the outcome

Finally starts to fall.

There is none else besides Him—

Not after I give in,

But after every effort shows me

I was never acting alone to begin.

My work did not replace Him,

It revealed where He stood,

Waiting behind my resistance

Like love always would.

This love doesn’t flatter ego,

Doesn’t rush or demand,

It lets me break, lets me fail,

Then quietly takes my hand.

It forgives before I finish sinning,

Waits longer than my doubt,

Fills the space where “me” once ruled

Until “we” quietly breaks out.

I see now nothing was wasted—

Not anger, not delay,

Every step I took “for me”

Was guiding me this way.

I was never pushed aside,

Never left to fend alone,

I was taught to move, to choose, to try

Until effort led me home.

If not me, then who—to act.

There is none else—so trust.