The Guard At The Gate

 The Guard At The Gate

I cursed the wall I could not climb

Said ego stole my prayer and time

I swung at shadows, fought the dark

Blamed every bruise on missed the mark

I said the gate was slammed shut tight

That heaven hid itself from sight

I screamed “You block me!” loud and wild

Like a betrayed and starving child

The ego laughed but never lied

It said “I guard what burns inside

If I step back before you’re ready

You’ll shatter fast — not slow and steady”

I wanted love without the grind

Connection cheap, no change of mind

But love don’t grow where comfort stays

It’s born in fire, delay, and gray

So ego pressed me to the wall

Not out of hate — but lest I fall

It held the weight I couldn’t bear

Until I learned to ask — not tear

Each failure drilled me into prayer

Each fall exposed another layer

Each block was mercy dressed as pain

Each no was yes in deeper grain

I saw at last with broken pride

The ego stood right by my side

A brutal guard with gentle aim

Breaking the vessel — not the flame

So now I bow where I once fought

Thank every wound the ego brought

For every shove that broke my lie

Made room for truth to finally cry

3 H's On A Texas Road

 3 H's On A Texas Road

To open one’s heart is a dangerous thing

It needs the Three H’s to give it a sting

Hitbatlute hits first, it cuts to the bone

Annulment of self, you stand alone

No crown, no opinion, no right to be smart

Just dust in the hands of a merciful art

Bend your neck low, let the ego depart

There’s no other gate to a truthful start

Then Hitkalelute comes crashing inside

Inclusion with friends, nowhere to hide

Their lack is your lack, their cry is your sin

A heart gets no rest when the many move in

You fall into them, not warm, not clean

Scraped by their mirrors, exposed and seen

But somewhere in that mutual pain

A new kind of strength begins to remain

Then Hitpahalute quietly appears

Enlivened hearts stitched together with tears

Not joy from reward, not fire from pride

But life that awakens when self has died

The heart starts to beat with a rhythm not mine

One pulse, one hunger, one shared design

No longer asking what’s in it for me

Just living inside what we’re meant to be

Three blows, one heart, one widening door

Annul, include, enliven—then soar

This is the work that the wise ones knew

The heart is rebuilt only passing through

Steel and Silence

 

Steel and Silence

I ride a Harley, wind in my face,

Long black road, no marked-out place.

The motor roars but the heart goes still,

Steel keeps moving when the soul won’t feel.

Some miles are smooth, some shake the bone,

Some rides you feel you’re riding alone.

The road didn’t break, the bike didn’t stall,

Just a quiet distance I can’t outrun at all.

The ego says, Something’s wrong with you,

Fix the feeling, change the view.

But Rav once said, That lack’s not yours,

It’s a crack in the bond, not a personal flaw.

I don’t pull over to polish the chrome,

Don’t tear down the bike, don’t call it home.

I carry the rattle, don’t curse the sound,

That noise belongs to the whole damn ground.

A slight disconnection, a whisper of cold,

Is not my failure, not truth being told.

It’s the ten tapping me on the shoulder,

Hold this piece — we’ll lift it together.

So I don’t ride louder, don’t twist the gas,

Don’t make a drama out of the past.

I aim the lack where the brothers stand,

Turn distance upward — that’s raising MAN.

No fix for the heart, no mood to chase,

Just give the burden a higher place.

Steel rolls on, the road stays wide,

The bike don’t pray — but the rider does inside.

And if the ride feels empty and bare,

No warmth, no rush, no signal flare,

That’s when the work is heavy and true,

When nothing feels good — and you still give it through.

No badge for this, no biker’s pride,

Just faith above reason, throttle steady, ride.

What breaks in me is not for me,

It’s fuel for the bond — that’s the work I see.

When the Work Begins

 When The Work Begins

A person turns the heart to unity

Not for reward, but for annulled purity

Before the aim can settle in place

The mind erupts, demanding its case

Thoughts strike hard, precise, and loud

Disguised as logic, sharp and proud

Doubt wears reason, fear wears truth

Urgency screams, stripping the proof

The heart pulls forward, simple and bare

The mind pulls sideways, filled with care

Each claims to guard the proper way

Each swears the other leads astray

This split is not a flaw or sin

It is where the work must now begin

For the will to receive shows its face

Only when bestowal takes its place

A person learns not to argue inside

Not to choose which voice should decide

The work is not to silence the fight

But to lift both hands toward the Light

Then comes a request without demand

No proof in mind, no strength in hand

Align the heart, align the thought

Not for self, for what we sought

Let the mind serve what the heart sees

Let the heart rise above what is

Not to escape, not to pretend

But to bind both ends to a single end

When heart and mind agree to ask

The split itself completes the task

For unity is born this way

Through resistance that learns to pray

From the Article These Candles Are Sacred

THESE CANDLES ARE SACRED

I light the flame

but I don’t touch

Hands tied back

heart clenched shut

These candles burn

not for my gain

I only look

I swallow pain

I want reward

I want to feel

But Hanukkah says

Stand still. Kneel.

These lights are holy

Not mine to use

No payment given

No borrowed juice

I don’t eat Light

I don’t get paid

I stare at Truth

until I fade

---

The Greeks in me

start clearing their throat

“Does this make sense?”

they take a vote

They want logic

proof and taste

They smash my walls

call faith a waste

They break my towers

brick by brick

Say “bow to reason”

call faith a trick

But towers rise

where reason dies

Above the mind

the heart replies

---

Faith above reason

is a wall, not a dream

It guards the tower

where greatness is seen

I shrink my mind

lower my head

That’s where the Light

gets clothed instead

The higher He gets

the lower I fall

I see my dirt

I see it all

The closer He comes

the worse I feel

I see my ego

raw and real

---

I wanted Purim

wine and cheer

Bodies saved

feast and beer

But Hanukkah whispers

“Not yet, son

Half the war

has just begun”

I parked the fight

Hanu-Koh

Not ‘cause it’s done

but strength can grow

This rest ain’t peace

It’s ammo stored

So I can face

the deeper war

---

My will to take

burns bitter black

Gevurot scream

“Don’t give it back”

Receiving hurts

when self is king

Distance tastes

like suffering

But when I take

to give Him joy

The bitterness

turns sweet, my boy

The same desire

same damn fire

Now aimed to love

not to acquire

---

I see my lowliness

like trash and ash

Why help me, Lord?

I’m cracked, I crash

If others knew

what I’ve been shown

They’d run this path

and leave me prone

Yet here You are

hand stretched wide

Welcoming

the criminal inside

---

The mountain grows

with every climb

Thoughts stack high

doubting time

The righteous drown

in rising hills

While wicked float

on paper thrills

But I’ve been lifted

from the bin

Trash was my diet

ego my skin

Now every doubt

every fall

Builds the wall

that guards it all

---

I won’t demand

to understand

I won’t wait

for mind’s command

I won’t say “Now

it makes sense to serve”

That path is theft

a crooked curve

I’ll work above

what I can see

Because that’s where

You come to me

---

So light the flame

and don’t consume

Stand in awe

inside the gloom

These candles teach

a brutal truth

Greatness comes

when faith is youth

And only prayer

keeps me alive

Above reason

is how I survive

Concealment in the Heart

There’s a difference, yeah, but it ain’t what it seems,

Between those who study and those chasing dreams.

Not smarter, not purer, not closer to Heaven,

Just handed a role — a position was given.

All of us move when the Creator decides,

Every thought, every step, every fall, every rise.

No one’s outside, no one’s ignored,

Each soul is operated by the same unified force.

Some are awakened, pulled into the room,

Not for reward — but for burden and doom.

Chosen like Rosh, not to rule or command,

But to pass what flows through a trembling hand.

Dissemination ain’t numbers, applause, or proof,

It laughs in the face of logical truth.

If reason could measure what Light is meant to do,

Faith would be useless — and Rav says it’s not true.

We speak, we write, we share, we stand,

Not knowing who hears or who understands.

The ego screams, “Is this even right?”

Faith answers softly, “Walk into the night.”

No feedback, no praise, no visible gain,

Just quiet work through resistance and pain.

That’s not failure — that’s the sign

You stepped outside reason and into the line.

So don’t judge the world, don’t measure the crowd,

We weren’t chosen to be seen or loud.

We were chosen to serve when the heart feels blind,

Letting the Creator work through mankind.

And when doubt says, “This makes no sense,”

That’s the exact place of true confidence.

Faith is the lamp when the road feels dim —

Dissemination is trusting Him, not you, not them.

Same Dust, One Saddle

🔥 POEM — “Same Dust, One Saddle”

Boots hit dirt before sunrise breaks,

Coffee black, no time for mistakes.

Ropes get tight, the gate flies wide,

You don’t tame the bull — you learn to ride.

Faith ain’t clean, it’s calloused hands,

Oil-field prayers and desert land.

We fall, we bleed, we climb again,

Same fire burns in every man.

בוץ על המגפיים, לב חשוף,

לא מחפשים נוח — מחפשים אמת לעוף.

נופלים וקמים, זה החוק הישן,

לב אחד שורד — עם אחד, אדם.

Bucking broncos, busted pride,

Learn real fast who’s real inside.

You don’t win by standing tall,

You win when you answer the call.

If you’re scared — say it!

If you’re broken — stay in!

If you fall — get up!

If you hear the call — saddle up!

Toprak aynı, yol aynı,

Kalp atışı — hiç fark saymaz.

Texas, Türkiye — tek nefes,

Aynı dua, aynı ses.

Same dust storms, different skies,

Same damn tears in grown men’s eyes.

We don’t run when pressure hits,

Steel gets strong where it resists.

मिट्टी वही, रास्ता वही,

दिल की आग सबमें सही।

गिरते हैं हम, फिर उठते हैं,

एक ही पुकार — सब सुनते हैं।

No difference!

No borders!

Same dust!

One order!

Ride together — or don’t ride at all!