Psalms In The Heart

  “Not in the Ten” I sat alone and told myself I’m fine, Held thoughts a little longer, felt divine. I watched the mind behave, the heart grow still, And called it spirit—by my own free will. But Rav’s voice cut through my clever lie, “That’s not the soul—just flesh dressed up to fly.” No matter how refined the feeling seems, Alone it’s body, not the higher means. I measured silence, counted breaths and hours, Admired the ego polishing its powers. I felt improved, more focused, calm and clean, But none of it was born between . For spirit doesn’t live where “I” reside, It breathes where self-concern has truly died. Not in my thoughts, not in my private gain, But where my heart submits to shared pain. The Ten is not a comfort, club, or tool, It’s where the ego’s forced to look the fool. Where I can’t hide behind my inner peace, Where self-made holiness is brought to cease. Alone, I choose what effort I’ll allow, With friends, the truth confronts me now . Their faces crack my fo...

 I knocked on every gate I knew by name Each one swore light would end the shame I studied, prayed, I bent my will Still found my cup was empty still I trusted verses, plans, and signs I counted steps, I drew the lines I followed every rule they gave Still stood alone beside the grave I tried belief, it wouldn’t stay It packed its bags and walked away I tried despair, it lied to me Said, “At least now you clearly see” But clarity just burned my hands No truth to stand on, no commands No forward step, no past retreat Just hollow ground beneath my feet I begged for help — the words felt fake My prayer itself began to shake No warmth, no tears, no holy sound Just silence pressing all around I wanted proof You heard my cry The heavens stayed completely dry So there I stood with nothing left Not strong, not broken — only cleft And in that crack, where nothing fits Where even hope admits it quits I stayed — not brave, not pure, not sure Just stayed… and somehow that was prayer No ...

  Born From the Crack We studied the words, we nodded our head We thought we were living, but mostly we read Pages turned clean, yet nothing had changed Till the Light came quiet and rearranged The ego stood tall, said “I got this just fine” Built castles of logic, reason, and time Then something inside me started to bend Not wisdom, not answers—just no way to pretend A crack in the armor, a tremble in will I wanted connection but couldn’t be still The heart felt exposed, stripped naked and raw No speeches, no prayers, no clever Torah I saw my own distance, my love made of trade How often I gave just to feel I was paid The friends looked the same, but I wasn’t the same Something new stood silent, calling my name It hurt like a loss, like ground giving way Like yesterday’s truths couldn’t help me today But deep in the breaking, a whisper was born Not from my strength—but where I was torn This wasn’t a thought I could store on a shelf It came when I stopped trying to save myself A ne...

  The Soul Knows Before the Mind We open the book and the words feel dry, Ten Sefirot speaking way up in the sky. My mind starts barking, “You don’t belong,” “You don’t get a thing—move along.” But the work never asked for clever or smart, It asked for a grip with a trembling heart. Not grasping the map, not seeing the road, Just standing still where the Light is bestowed. The ego screams loud, “You’re wasting your time,” “These worlds make no sense, these lines don’t rhyme.” But the soul stays quiet, steady, and sure, Drinking what reason could never secure. Fear says, “If you don’t get it, you’re lost,” Faith says, “Sit still—this growth has a cost.” Not coins, not pride, not intellectual gain, But the burning surrender of not having a name. Each word hits places I cannot define, Not entering thought, but carving the spine. Something is moving, aligning inside, While reason stands helpless, stripped of its pride. The system is faithful, exact, and alive, It feeds what the ...

  “Something New Was Born” I woke up heavy, same old fight, Same damn thoughts that swear they’re right. I did the work, I played the role, But nothing moved inside the soul. I prayed the words, I showed my face, But joy wouldn’t enter this stubborn place. I blamed the road, I blamed the men, I blamed the world, not once the “I” within. Then it hit me hard — like Shamati warned, Joy ain’t a gift, it’s a sign you’re reborn. Not smart, not strong, not feeling wise, But faith that walks with blinded eyes. No joy means still the same old me, Polishing chains, calling it “free.” But one small crack — a hairline bend, Where self let go for the sake of the Ten. No fireworks, no holy glow, Just choosing bestowal when reason said “no.” And there it was — quiet, clear, A newborn point the ego fears. Joy crept in — not loud, not proud, But real as tears that aren’t allowed. Not from knowing, not from control, But something new carved in the soul. So if I’m dry, I don’t pretend, I don...

   “The Heart That Lies” Don’t trust the heart that sweetly cries, It dresses up the truth in lies. It swears it feels what must be right, But sells you darkness dressed as light. The ego whispers, calm and wise, “I know the way—just close your eyes.” It points to feelings, warm and deep, Then robs the work while you still sleep. A burning chest, a trembling tear, Is not a sign the truth is near. The liar lives in holy tone, Convincing you you’re not alone. The heart was built to want, not see, It bends the law to serve the “me.” Without a screen, without a guide, It takes the reins and calls it pride. The friends are where the truth is weighed, Not in the storms the ego made. Above the heart, above its cry, Faith walks where feelings fear to try. I don’t erase the heart’s desire, I bind it to a higher fire. Not what I feel decides my way, But what we build from day to day. So let the lying heart complain, Let ego scream and pull the chain. I ride with faith, not inner...

  Title: “I Trust the System” I don’t feel love, I feel the grind A thousand doubts assault the mind Yet something deeper holds the reins A silent truth that still remains Not hope, not mood, not lifted heart But knowing where the laws all start Baal HaSulam drew the design Cause and effect, precise, aligned The Light reforms, the vessel lacks The Ten reveals the inner cracks I don’t invent, I don’t pretend I trust the road the sages penned Rabash said walk where you don’t feel Where every urge says this ain’t real But stay because the system’s true Not because it feels good to you This isn’t faith that floats on air It’s weight that keeps me standing there A frequency beneath the thought That whispers truth when nothing’s taught I don’t feel bestowal in my chest I feel resistance put to test But deeper still, below the pain I know this work is not in vain So prayer is born not from despair But trust the Light is always there The lack is real, the law is fixed Correction co...