Broken First

BROKEN FIRST

Broken first, I learned to cry

From self to dust, I asked not why

When lack got real, the heavens moved

And through that pain—the heart was proved

I came in full of teeth and pride

A throne of self I held inside

Certain my hands could force the gate

But iron hearts don’t enter straight

So down I fell through reason’s floor

Each answer died, then died once more

The mind grew weak, the body screamed

And all I built came unstitched seams

I cursed the dark, I cursed the flame

Till both revealed—they spoke my name

Not to destroy, but strip the lie

That lives each time I ask “for why?”

The ten stood near like mirrors hard

Not praising wounds, not dropping guard

They showed me what I could not see—

The cruelest cage… was only me

I begged for love but sought control

I spoke of truth while hiding soul

I wanted light to fill my cup

Yet would not break the bottom up

Then exile dug its fingers deep

No borrowed strength, no stolen sleep

And from that pit where pride was slain

A prayer was born that tasted pain

Not “Give me peace”

Not “Make me whole”

But “Take this tyrant from my soul”

“Let me feel the friends as more than breath”

“Teach me love that starves to death”

And there… beneath the ego’s knife

The dust became the seed of life

For when the woman weeps sincere

The male above begins to hear

So now I bless the breaking wide

The crushing weight, the fall of pride

For every wound that made me see

The Creator builds through what breaks me

I walk not healed—but aimed above

A battered horse beneath true love

And every scar the heart went through

Became a gate… where bestowal grew.

THE SYSTEM — PERFECTLY BUILT

 I was born inside a system vast,

So perfect—future, present, past.

A woven force no eye can trace,

Yet every breath reveals its place.

Not chaos. Not mistake. Not chance.

But law so pure all worlds must dance.

A single Thought, a force bestowed,

That built the path each soul must road.

First came the hunger—to receive,

A crafted lack so we believe.

Not curse, not flaw, not shameful scar,

But vessel built to seek afar.

For what is Light if none should crave?

What is the Gift if none can save?

Bestowal formed creation’s sea,

But built the need through you and me.

The will to take—our nature’s core,

The empty knock upon the door.

Yet Kabbalah reveals the key:

The flaw’s not thirst—but “only me.”

For here’s the work most never see:

To shape desire intentionally.

Not kill the will, nor cast aside,

But raise its use, correct its pride.

To take this vessel, cracked and wild,

And aim it like a faithful child.

Not for myself, not fleeting gain,

But to return Love back again.

Through others…

Through hearts that share the same deep ache,

The same great lack no world can fake.

To bond, connect, become as one—

Many vessels… one bright sun.

And in that union something starts:

The Creator breathes through joined hearts.

His joy revealed when we align—

Reception clothed in the Divine.

So yes… the system’s perfect still.

The fall, the climb, the broken will.

For every fragment, every scar,

Was built to show us who we are.

A vessel born through need and night,

Corrected slowly into Light.

Until receiving’s finally shown…

As bestowal returned back Home.

The Two Kings Within

 THE TWO KINGS WITHIN

Inside my chest two rulers fight

One sells me dark, One calls me light

One says “Take more, this world is mine”

One whispers “Rise… your will align”

The body bows where habit leads

To ego’s throne, to selfish needs

And every time I seek the King

The serpent wakes with sharper sting

For Pharaoh grows when truth draws near

He builds through doubt, through pain, through fear

He shows me all I’ve yet to mend

So suffering becomes a friend

Idol worship lives inside

When self alone becomes my guide

Not stone or gold—but “me” on high

The cruelest false god money can’t buy

So Torah is not words we say

But war through every living day

Who rules this heart? Who wears the crown?

The one I lift… or drag back down

And when I see how far I’ve gone

How weak by night, how false by dawn

That pain itself becomes the gate

A cry for truth… before too late

For evil grows when I choose right

Not to destroy—but bring to light

That I may know what must be burned

So all desire can be returned

To serve the One beyond my skin

And place His Kingdom deep within

Till every ache and every scar

Build one true prayer… ישר־אל

Florida Flame

We were not gathered here by chance

Each heart was called to join this dance

A spark alone can fade from sight

But joined as one—we build the light

Your voice, your step, your place is real

Together broken hearts can heal

Kab nights, meetings, hand in hand

We rise as one, we firmly stand

Don’t wait outside while others start

You are a living piece of heart

So come, my brothers, take your place

And help us build this bond of grace

One Life to Rise

 They say “I’m tired”… but tired from what

From feeding the fire that leaves the soul to rot

We scroll, we stall, we say “next time”

While the heart grows weak and forgets the climb

The ego speaks soft— “Just stay in your chair”

“Tomorrow will come… there’s still time there…”

But tomorrow steals what today could ignite

And one missed spark can delay the Light

I’m not begging you— I’m crying inside

We are souls meant to walk, not hide

The Congress calls, the Ten needs your flame

Without you here—we’re not the same

So break what binds you, rise from the dust

Come not for comfort—come because you must

For the Creator waits where friends unite

And one true step can change your night

Read Me or Bury Me

I brought my heart, you called it trash

Didn’t even read—just burned the ash

I sang for souls, not for applause

But cold replies revealed the flaws

I gave a gift, you mocked the hand

Like love of friends you’d never planned

If we can’t hear a brother’s cry

Then tell me—are we dead inside?

Read me—or bury me

Lift me—or murder me

But don’t stand there preaching love

While crushing hearts that rise above

קרא לי או קבור אותי

הרם אותי או שבור אותי

אל תדבר על אהבת חברים

אם אתה שורף לבבות מבפנים

This ain’t ‘bout songs, this ain’t ‘bout me

It’s who we claim we want to be

A ten ain’t built by empty words

But by how pain and love are heard

So if my gift don’t fit your way

At least respect the price I pay

Cause one who gives and gets denied

Still bleeds to keep the flame alive

Read me—or bury me

Lift me—or murder me

But don’t stand there preaching light

While dimming brothers in the night

קרא לי או קבור אותי

הרם אותי או שבור אותי

אם אין מקום ללב חבר

איך יבוא האור ויתגבר

I Rode With Reason

I Rode With Reason

For years I let my own mind drive

Trusted its lies to stay alive

It weighed each step, it judged each fall

But never knew the King at all

It said use thought, protect your skin

Take what makes your body grin

“God gave you reason—use it well”

Yet led me closer still to hell

Then came a war inside my chest

A higher call disturbed my rest

A whisper cut through pride and fear

“Bow down… the King of Kings is here”

So now I tell this mind of mine

You were useful… for your time

But from this day you are not throne

This heart will serve the King alone

Above all thought, above all sight

I choose the path beyond my light

Faith like fire, raw and true

Not what I think—but serving You

The head feels heavy, ego cries

It fears the place where selfhood dies

But in that weight… a gate appears

The crown is built through fought-back tears

I lose my rule… and strangely rise

Not by my own, but Heaven’s eyes

For when I kneel above what’s known

The burdened head becomes His throne