"The Courtroom in My Heart"
Inspired by Rabash, Article No. 38 (1989)
I woke this morning, swore I'd change,
By breakfast, everything was strange.
I cursed the traffic, judged a friend,
And called it justice in the end.
I told my wife I'd give her time,
Then watched the clock like it was mine.
She needed love, I gave advice,
And made her pay my selfish price.
A friend reached out, his heart was sore,
I saw his name and shut the door.
I said, "I'm tired, I've done my share,"
Then told myself how much I care.
I gave a dollar to a man,
Then hoped somebody saw my hand.
I called it kindness, pure and bright,
But fed my pride another bite.
I sat among my Ten that night,
And spoke of love with all my might.
But when a friend opposed my view,
My loving heart split clean in two.
I smiled outside, inside I burned,
My wounded ego took its turn.
I wanted unity, that's true,
Provided they agreed with me too.
And there he sat, that judge within,
While two old voices fought to win.
One cried, "The Creator owns it all!"
The other screamed, "Don't let me fall!"
The good said, "Give, and ask no pay."
The evil said, "Not today."
The good said, "Bow before your friend."
The evil said, "Then you'll be nothing in the end!"
And there I stood, my sentence read,
With all my wisdom in my head.
I knew the truth, I knew the way,
But couldn't make myself obey.
For knowing truth is not the deed,
When every thought is built on greed.
I dressed my ego up in light,
And called my selfish hunger right.
Oh, what a judge I chose to be,
Who ruled that all should serve poor me!
I built an altar to my pride,
Then asked why Heaven seemed to hide.
I prayed for love, but wanted praise,
I prayed for truth, but kept my ways.
I begged the Creator, "Set me free!"
Then fought to keep the chains on me.
But now the verdict has been made,
And all my clever lies are laid.
This body's not a throne for me,
It's where the Creator's love should be.
Yet still my nature won't comply,
It fights the truth and asks me why.
So send Your officers, I pray,
Give me the strength to act today.
To hear the friend I cannot bear,
To give when no one knows I'm there.
To hold my tongue when pride would shout,
To let another's greatness out.
And when I fall, as fall I will,
Don't let my heart surrender still.
Let every failure make me see,
How desperately I need Thee.
For whole truth isn't what I know,
It's whose delight I seek below.
Not what I give, nor what I do,
But whether all is done for You.
And if tomorrow finds me torn,
Between the beast and soul reborn,
I'll bring my broken heart once more,
And place it trembling at Your door.
For love is not the words I say,
It's whom I serve along the way.
And every gate I walk within,
Is where the battle must begin.
