"Too Small in My Eyes"
Inspired by Rabash — Concerning Hesed
I woke this morning, reached for my phone,
Fed every distraction before I left home.
The Creator was waiting, my heart was asleep,
I traded eternity for garbage I'd keep.
A friend needed kindness; I told him, "Not now,"
Then prayed for connection and wondered just how.
I begged for His greatness, then guarded my pride,
And left the poor fellow to suffer outside.
I sat with my Ten, heard the words about love,
Spoke beautifully of the Creator above.
But one friend opposed me, and what did I do?
I sharpened my ego and drove the knife through.
I cried about money, the bills overdue,
The things I was missing, the things I can't do.
Yet when someone needed a shoulder to lean,
I counted my troubles and kept my hands clean.
I said that I trusted the One up above,
But measured His greatness by what I could love.
When life gave me pleasure, I praised Him all day,
When trouble came knocking, my faith slipped away.
And here's the damn truth that I hate to confess,
I want all His goodness, but won't give Him less
Than a thousand conditions, all written by me,
Then wonder why heaven is hidden from me.
The problem's not heaven, the problem's my sight,
I make Him so small that my ego seems right.
I crown every craving and bow to each need,
Then call myself faithful while serving my greed.
But mercy is waiting where judgment has stood,
Not saying I'm righteous, not saying I'm good.
It's giving a friend what my ego would save,
It's loving another while digging my grave.
Not death of the body, but death of the throne,
Where I sat as a king, serving only my own.
And there in the wreckage, with nothing to prove,
A place for the Shechina begins to move.
So Creator, don't flatter the lies that I wear,
Expose every selfish intention in prayer.
Make Your greatness so real that my pride falls apart,
And give me the strength to put friends in my heart.
For I don't need heaven to bend to my will,
I need this damn ego to finally be still.
And when I can give without asking what's mine,
Perhaps in that mercy Your greatness will shine.
