The Promise I Made in the Light
Inspired by Rabash, Article No. 3, 1987
I made a promise when the sun was bright,
To love my friends and walk toward the Light.
But promises are easy when the heart feels strong,
The truth comes out when everything goes wrong.
The alarm went off, the morning was cold,
My aching body said, "You're getting old."
"Stay in this bed, you've earned your rest,
Why drag yourself through another test?"
I pulled the covers over my head,
Remembered every excuse I'd ever said.
Then somewhere deep, a question came:
"Will you serve yourself or honor His name?"
I sat at the table, the bills piled high,
Looked at the numbers and wanted to cry.
I asked, "Where's the goodness? Where's the care?
Creator, are You even there?"
But the covenant wasn't made for sunny days,
It was made for the darkness that blocks His ways.
Not when I feel Him, not when I see,
But when there's nothing left inside of me.
A friend said something that cut like a knife,
And my ego dragged it through half of my life.
I rehearsed my answer, cruel and smart,
While claiming I wanted one common heart.
I could have called him, but pride said, "No!
Make him admit he's the one who should go."
Then I remembered the promise we made,
To stand together when affection fades.
The covenant says, "Don't run away,
Even when love has nothing to say."
Above my reason, above my pride,
I choose the connection my ego denied.
Sometimes I know that my heart is asleep,
And sometimes the wound is painfully deep.
Sometimes I see what I ought to do,
But haven't the strength to follow it through.
And sometimes I rise with a trembling hand,
Not because I feel strong enough to stand.
I rise because bestowal is worth the fight,
Even when I cannot taste its light.
But here is the truth that breaks my pride:
I cannot kill the selfishness inside.
No clever words, no powerful will,
Can make this hungry ego still.
So I come to You with nothing to show,
Except all the places I cannot go.
And every failure, every desperate plea,
Becomes an empty vessel inside of me.
Now I understand why the struggle is long,
Why You let me discover I'm not so strong.
Without the hunger, what could You fill?
Without the surrender, I'd worship my will.
Six days I wrestle, I stumble, I pray,
Six days my ego gets in the way.
But Shabbat is the rest that no money can buy,
When the battle grows quiet and the heart can fly.
And Israel isn't just a name I claim,
It's turning my heart toward Your holy aim.
Yashar-El, straight to You,
In every ordinary thing I do.
So when tomorrow's alarm begins to ring,
And my body complains about everything,
I'll remember the promise I made in the light,
And ask You to help me keep it tonight.
Because love isn't proven when loving is sweet,
It's proven when pride lies dead at our feet.
And the covenant stands when all feelings depart,
A promise above reason, engraved in the heart.
